Trains, Anyone?
Now normally, I have nothing but nice things to say about trains, and I enjoy trips up north on Amtrak. But this weekend took the cake.
On the way up, it wasn't that bad. The train was a bit crowded, so I had a seatmate most of the way. The funniest guy was the one I had from New York north. He gets on the train, and asks if anyone is sitting next to me. He seems a bit spacey, if okay. However, he proceeds to spend the rest of the trip digging through his pockets for his ticket (I know he had to have had one at some point, because the train folk at Penn Station will NOT let you on the escalator without showing a ticket). After a certain point he pulls out his laptop and starts taking calls on his cell phone. He's pretending to be hush-hush, but I hear him go on and on about "did you get the surveillance reports? I need them for the next operation, I've got to teach the next studends" yada, yada, yada. At one point when Secret Agent Man wasn't on the phone, he starts to talk to me, and notices I'm reading the Fashion of the The Times magazine, and says "hey, are you in the fashion business?" "Umm, no, just a hobby, I suppose". "Oh well, it suits you. You should be". And a biiiiiiig whatever from the audience. I was completely laughing inside, though. Like being a federales would impress. Hahahahaha.
The trip home was another story, though. I had originally been scheduled to leave at 1:15. However, I had been up early, didn't have much left to do, and decided I'd head to the train station and change trains. I have done this countless times -- one nice thing about trains is that they don't hammer you for changes, as long as you go to the window. I arrive at the train station at 10 am. I get to the window at 10:10, and ask to switch my fancy-pants business class fast train ticket to the 10:20. "Okay. But that will be another $85". "What?" "You're buying your ticket at the last minute. It's more expensive" "Umm, no I purchased this ticket a while ago, and I'm just changing times. I do this all the time." "Well, we're like the airlines now, so last minute fares are higher priced." "But it's not a last minute fare -- I have a paid for ticket" "Well under the new plan, you don't" Argh.
Well, after arguing for a very few minutes (no point in arguing with ticket agents who don't care very much), I decide to give up my fast train tickets (as the next fast train was the one I was scheduled on at 1:15), and ask to switch my ticket to the slow-moving, stop at every station regular northeast service (aka, "the People's Train") at 10:40. It would still get me home ahead of schedule, so what the hey. In the only positive development of the day, I actually get a voucher for the difference between the fancy pants train and the people's train fare, which is a new development -- in the previous system, once you paid more, you weren't getting any money back. So I change the ticket. At 10:38, the train comes rolling into the station, and it's pretty empty, as it didn't start in Boston, but in Springfield. I get on it and wait for it depart. And wait. And wait. At about 11:05, I go find a conductor. "Ummm, what's up?" "We have engine trouble. We're waiting on a new engine. Should be another 20 minutes". "Well, can we just get on the next southbound train that's due in in about 10 minutes?""You can go down to the station and change your ticket." A bunch of us immediately protest and point out there isn't enough time. The conductor eventually says "well, if you can sneak on to that train, they'll let you, but don't tell everyone on this train, or else they'll all want to do it". So a few of us prepare to jump train. However, THAT train (let's call it People's Train number 2) pulls into the station about 15 minutes late, and when it pulls in, it's packed. And they're told they're going to sit in the station for about 10 more minutes. By that time, the new engine for train number one shows up, and we realize that both trains are probably going to pull out around the same time, so we go back to the quiet train. Finally, at about noon, we pull out. I'm mildly annoyed at this point, but I'm still about an hour ahead of schedule.
And so we head southbound. However, we get to NY, having made several stops along the say without incident. However, at about the time we should leave....we don't. And we sit. And sit. So I find the conductor (it's the fresh crew in NY), and ask "what's up?" "Oh, we're having engine troubles. We're waiting for a new engine". I said that we'd changed engines an hour and a half ago, and I didn't want to wait any more. Finally, another southbound train comes to the platform across from us (let's call this one PT3), and everyone who had been in the first delay north of NY finds the conductor and says "we're through with this train, get us on the other one". Amtrak spends about five minutes insisting that only people with tickets for PT3 can get on it, but then says "oh, okay, get on it". Which at that point I would have done anyway, as it was pretty clear that the train itself was busted and doing something that caused the engines to crap out. Let them kick me off. A whole boatload of us jump train, and PT3 pulls out of NY heading southbound, about 15 minutes late. I'm now about only 20 minutes ahead of where I would have been had I just stayed on fancy pants train, leaving at 1:15, and now I'm committed to being on a packed train that will make EVERY stop between NY and DC.
But we're moving, right? And we're still ahead of PT1. So we keep going. At Trenton station, we're passed by fancy-pants train that I should have been on if I'd just stayed up north and had brunch or something. About 10 minutes south of Trenton, we slow down. And then we stop. And we sit. And sit. And we go hunting for the conductor. "Well, a fire/smoke alarm went off for the axles. We have to inspect this train". So we spend 45 minutes while they check every axle of PT3. In the middle of this process, we are passed by PT1. I start looking around for sharp objects to impale myself on, and my blood sugar is starting to plummet. Eventually we get moving, and we limp into Philadelphia. I somewhat expect to see PT1 waiting for a third new engine, as it seems that in every station where there's a bit of a delay, their engine craps out, but it's hard to tell. We wait an extra ten minutes in Philly and then head south again.
The rest of the trip isn't that bad, and we eventually get to the DC area about 45 minutes late for PT3's scheule, half an hour behind fancy pants train, and two hours behind PT1's scheduled arrival. So it's over, right? Well, normally I don't go all the way into DC, but get off one stop before DC, as the metro I need to take to get directly home terminates there, and then I don't have to fiddle about with changing metros in DC. And I really want off of Amtrak at this point. So I get off, head over to the metro, and they have a sign up saying "Weekend trackwork. Trains only run every half hour from this station" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! So I wait there for 20 minutes, and then FINALLY head off home. I arrive in my house at 7:15, nine hours and fifteen minutes after arriving at the train station up north. The trip up had only been five hours.
Lessons learned? I'm never taking the People's Trains again. Here's why -- the fancy pants trains come with a guarantee that if you don't get there before the People's Train that follows you, you get a partial refund. Companies hate giving refunds, so the expensive trains almost always run on time. I've noticed over time that once one People's Train is late, they're all screwed, but they will sideline the People's Trains just to get the expensive trains on ahead, because corporations hate payouts. And none of them are that cheap.
God knows I love public transportation, but why is it that the rest of the world can do trains, and we can't even keep the Northeast Corridor up and running? Flying isn't really an option, because with the new rules about getting to the airport two hours ahead, taking off random articles of clothing, and having to check your bags if you even want to bring toothpaste, any time savings is totally obliterated, and the plane isn't cheaper.
I hereby present myself as the newest candidate for empress of the universe on behalf of the Fascist Party of America. We may suck, but at least we will make the trains run on time.
Now normally, I have nothing but nice things to say about trains, and I enjoy trips up north on Amtrak. But this weekend took the cake.
On the way up, it wasn't that bad. The train was a bit crowded, so I had a seatmate most of the way. The funniest guy was the one I had from New York north. He gets on the train, and asks if anyone is sitting next to me. He seems a bit spacey, if okay. However, he proceeds to spend the rest of the trip digging through his pockets for his ticket (I know he had to have had one at some point, because the train folk at Penn Station will NOT let you on the escalator without showing a ticket). After a certain point he pulls out his laptop and starts taking calls on his cell phone. He's pretending to be hush-hush, but I hear him go on and on about "did you get the surveillance reports? I need them for the next operation, I've got to teach the next studends" yada, yada, yada. At one point when Secret Agent Man wasn't on the phone, he starts to talk to me, and notices I'm reading the Fashion of the The Times magazine, and says "hey, are you in the fashion business?" "Umm, no, just a hobby, I suppose". "Oh well, it suits you. You should be". And a biiiiiiig whatever from the audience. I was completely laughing inside, though. Like being a federales would impress. Hahahahaha.
The trip home was another story, though. I had originally been scheduled to leave at 1:15. However, I had been up early, didn't have much left to do, and decided I'd head to the train station and change trains. I have done this countless times -- one nice thing about trains is that they don't hammer you for changes, as long as you go to the window. I arrive at the train station at 10 am. I get to the window at 10:10, and ask to switch my fancy-pants business class fast train ticket to the 10:20. "Okay. But that will be another $85". "What?" "You're buying your ticket at the last minute. It's more expensive" "Umm, no I purchased this ticket a while ago, and I'm just changing times. I do this all the time." "Well, we're like the airlines now, so last minute fares are higher priced." "But it's not a last minute fare -- I have a paid for ticket" "Well under the new plan, you don't" Argh.
Well, after arguing for a very few minutes (no point in arguing with ticket agents who don't care very much), I decide to give up my fast train tickets (as the next fast train was the one I was scheduled on at 1:15), and ask to switch my ticket to the slow-moving, stop at every station regular northeast service (aka, "the People's Train") at 10:40. It would still get me home ahead of schedule, so what the hey. In the only positive development of the day, I actually get a voucher for the difference between the fancy pants train and the people's train fare, which is a new development -- in the previous system, once you paid more, you weren't getting any money back. So I change the ticket. At 10:38, the train comes rolling into the station, and it's pretty empty, as it didn't start in Boston, but in Springfield. I get on it and wait for it depart. And wait. And wait. At about 11:05, I go find a conductor. "Ummm, what's up?" "We have engine trouble. We're waiting on a new engine. Should be another 20 minutes". "Well, can we just get on the next southbound train that's due in in about 10 minutes?""You can go down to the station and change your ticket." A bunch of us immediately protest and point out there isn't enough time. The conductor eventually says "well, if you can sneak on to that train, they'll let you, but don't tell everyone on this train, or else they'll all want to do it". So a few of us prepare to jump train. However, THAT train (let's call it People's Train number 2) pulls into the station about 15 minutes late, and when it pulls in, it's packed. And they're told they're going to sit in the station for about 10 more minutes. By that time, the new engine for train number one shows up, and we realize that both trains are probably going to pull out around the same time, so we go back to the quiet train. Finally, at about noon, we pull out. I'm mildly annoyed at this point, but I'm still about an hour ahead of schedule.
And so we head southbound. However, we get to NY, having made several stops along the say without incident. However, at about the time we should leave....we don't. And we sit. And sit. So I find the conductor (it's the fresh crew in NY), and ask "what's up?" "Oh, we're having engine troubles. We're waiting for a new engine". I said that we'd changed engines an hour and a half ago, and I didn't want to wait any more. Finally, another southbound train comes to the platform across from us (let's call this one PT3), and everyone who had been in the first delay north of NY finds the conductor and says "we're through with this train, get us on the other one". Amtrak spends about five minutes insisting that only people with tickets for PT3 can get on it, but then says "oh, okay, get on it". Which at that point I would have done anyway, as it was pretty clear that the train itself was busted and doing something that caused the engines to crap out. Let them kick me off. A whole boatload of us jump train, and PT3 pulls out of NY heading southbound, about 15 minutes late. I'm now about only 20 minutes ahead of where I would have been had I just stayed on fancy pants train, leaving at 1:15, and now I'm committed to being on a packed train that will make EVERY stop between NY and DC.
But we're moving, right? And we're still ahead of PT1. So we keep going. At Trenton station, we're passed by fancy-pants train that I should have been on if I'd just stayed up north and had brunch or something. About 10 minutes south of Trenton, we slow down. And then we stop. And we sit. And sit. And we go hunting for the conductor. "Well, a fire/smoke alarm went off for the axles. We have to inspect this train". So we spend 45 minutes while they check every axle of PT3. In the middle of this process, we are passed by PT1. I start looking around for sharp objects to impale myself on, and my blood sugar is starting to plummet. Eventually we get moving, and we limp into Philadelphia. I somewhat expect to see PT1 waiting for a third new engine, as it seems that in every station where there's a bit of a delay, their engine craps out, but it's hard to tell. We wait an extra ten minutes in Philly and then head south again.
The rest of the trip isn't that bad, and we eventually get to the DC area about 45 minutes late for PT3's scheule, half an hour behind fancy pants train, and two hours behind PT1's scheduled arrival. So it's over, right? Well, normally I don't go all the way into DC, but get off one stop before DC, as the metro I need to take to get directly home terminates there, and then I don't have to fiddle about with changing metros in DC. And I really want off of Amtrak at this point. So I get off, head over to the metro, and they have a sign up saying "Weekend trackwork. Trains only run every half hour from this station" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! So I wait there for 20 minutes, and then FINALLY head off home. I arrive in my house at 7:15, nine hours and fifteen minutes after arriving at the train station up north. The trip up had only been five hours.
Lessons learned? I'm never taking the People's Trains again. Here's why -- the fancy pants trains come with a guarantee that if you don't get there before the People's Train that follows you, you get a partial refund. Companies hate giving refunds, so the expensive trains almost always run on time. I've noticed over time that once one People's Train is late, they're all screwed, but they will sideline the People's Trains just to get the expensive trains on ahead, because corporations hate payouts. And none of them are that cheap.
God knows I love public transportation, but why is it that the rest of the world can do trains, and we can't even keep the Northeast Corridor up and running? Flying isn't really an option, because with the new rules about getting to the airport two hours ahead, taking off random articles of clothing, and having to check your bags if you even want to bring toothpaste, any time savings is totally obliterated, and the plane isn't cheaper.
I hereby present myself as the newest candidate for empress of the universe on behalf of the Fascist Party of America. We may suck, but at least we will make the trains run on time.
posted by Lily @ Sunday, November 12, 2006
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