It's Official, Kids...

I'm in love. I have found a most excellent sugar free chocolate bar, from Yamate Chocolates. Good quality dark chocolate, real whole almonds, not too sweet, and it doesn't taste artificial or like wax. So far, I haven't noticed any lovely...ahem... side effects that one can have with candy bars sweetened with maltitol, although I'm trying restrict myself to half a bar or less per day (they're big bars) to avoid that problem, but so far not even a rumble. I've been able to do a lot with good quality cocoa powder and Splenda to get a cocoa buzz, but sometimes it's nice just to have some candy. This is yummy stuff, even compared to most chocolates with sugar. This is diametrically opposed to the Hershey's Sugar Free Special Dark bars, otherwise known as "brown wax with a nasty aftertaste but still not sweet". What the hell were they thinking? You have to try really hard to get something to taste that bad.

It is said that chocolate releases the same chemicalsin the body as sex (the morning and cooking shows keep saying 'as love', so as not to frighten the viewers), so I'm thinking about establishing a new scale to describe one's feelings about one's physical exploits. At the top of the scale would be something along the lines of "Godiva sex", although I find Godiva a little too sweet. It's been so long since I had any real chocolate that floated my boat, that I'm not sure which kind I truly adore, but it's not like I'd throw away a box of Godiva, either. I've had some pretty excellent Godiva moments. Truly mindblowing chocolate isn't very sweet, it's just dark and intense.

For a fun day, I'll go with Reese's Peanut Butter Cup sex. Nutty, pleasurable, a bit salty, fun, not necessarily sending one over the moon but can still make you grin like mad and glad you had some. One step higher on my scale would be Mounds Bar sex -- pretty damn good, and leaves a lingering smile on the face wishing one had more. I think it's a dark chocolate thing.

A source of great consternation to me would be Cadbury's sex. It's English, I should adore it, but have never been able to warm to it and can pass it by. I just don't get it, although it seems to send many people into orbit. I've actually been known to throw away a Cadbury bar left in my fridge by a houseguest.

So what is better, really excellent chocolate, or Hershey's Milk Chocolate sex (bland, commercial, but gets the job done)? It's kind of a tossup, especially for women. I'm not sure if men don't get the same seratonin release that women do, but men tend to be able to pass up chocolate and not understand exactly what we see in it. They're always going to go for Hershey's Milk Chocolate sex. There's a reason why there are several chocolate recipes called "Better Than Sex", but of course when women talk about these dishes to their menfolk, there's always the obligatory and perfunctory "but of course, not with you, dear". (Memo to those with Y chromosomes -- the women are LYING through their teeth).

And "Hershey's Sugar Free Special Dark" sex definitely merits giving the other person the heave ho.

Yup, it's a cold Sunday afternoon, and I'm bored.