What I'm Thankful For This Year

This is a very interesting entry to write, because what I'm thankful for and what's worrying me the most are all jumbled up in a big pile this year. I'm assuming that this last and next year will represent the biggest changes in my life ever, although that's never a sure thing.

As most of my loyal reader(s) know, there are going to be big changes in the G household in the coming year. (Note how I don't say THIS year, because that's what we're all desperately trying to prevent at the moment). After much soul-searching and decision-making angst, I decided to try to ensure that I wouldn't actually be the LAST generation in the G-clan, and realized that it was now or never to attempt to change that. I knew I had to try, but no one was more shocked than me that it actually worked out. I had always thought I couldn't have children, but wanted to go down swinging, but apparently the Italian Catholic genes win out over all kinds of other medical problems. So sometime in the not-so-near-future (hopefully next February) there will be a small boy entering the scene, known as "The Monkey". He likes bananas a lot, even though I don't. From all accounts and tests, he's fine, healthy, and on the big-side, and as we learned last week, at the moment his favorite activity is kicking himself in the head. There's some kind of metaphor in there somewhere, and I suppose I'll have to get him to stop that at some point. For this I am thankful. I'm also thankful that I had the ability and resources to do this and even though I don't think it will be an easy road, I'm not worried that anyone is going to face undue hardship or be worried about how it's all going to get done. I'm thankful for all the people who have helped me out, called, and volunteered to do all the things that I can't do anymore. It's always kind of interesting to see who steps up to the plate -- often people you never expect.

However, as many of you also know, his mother's body seems to be tired of doing all this already, and between Mr. Impatient Monkey and Mommy's Old Uterus (as constantly referred to by the doctor), this kid has already tried to make a very early appearance in the world. This means that Mommy's life consists of staying at home alone, staring at the walls and the View, and getting out once a week to walk across the street to the doctors plus the occasional trip to the hospital to put the kibosh on the latest jailbreak. While I suppose in the long run none of this will matter that much, I'm not particularly thankful for my current situation. Twenty-four hours a day is a long time to fill for three months. I know people may think that not working and sitting around the house all day could be fun, but trust me it isn't. It's one of those things you fantasize about until you're forced to do it without a reprieve. Then it's kind of hell. I've lost all independence and have to rely upon people to do things for me, which is very hard for someone who's always prided herself on her self-reliance. I know you can't order up how a pregnancy is going to go, but this is NOT what I signed on for, it's just what I got.

So I'm continuing to function on the principle that's gotten me this far -- the universe will never throw more at you than you can handle, and often it gives you what you need, even if it's not what you thought you wanted. And I do seem to be living out the adage of "may you live in interesting times".

Happy Thanksgiving, folks.