Today's Rants, or Can't We All Just Get Along?

I'm sitting here trying to get caught up on The Hucklebug podcasts while Nick-the-child-not-the-cancer takes his last catnap before bedtime. I'd let him sleep, but boy needs a bath, badly. He's the Barf King.

A friend of mine has just been sent a "script" for her brother-in-law's wedding. She assumed it was for her husband, the best man, but I told her to read through it because it was sent to her. Sure enough, she's got a reading to do from some psycho-babble self-help book that we can't read through without giggling. I'm getting her to practice smiling and saying "I'm very happy for you, and isn't this a wonderful day?" However, I was looking some stuff up, and I came across some message boards on supposed "etiquette" and weddings.

Now I'm of the school that the purpose of etiquette is to make people feel comfortable and facilitate interactions between people. [FYI, boy is now bathed and is supposed to be sleeping, but he's shouting in his crib] However, some people want to use it to be an excuse to either criticize someone else or take offense at someone else's actions. So here are some thoughts on common wedding gripes:

1) The Gift Registry: Okay, here's where I'm a bit out of synch with the etiquette queens. If I'm coming to your wedding, I'm going to get you a gift. I'd like to get you something you'd like and would use and not the fifteenth toaster, cheesy crystal candlesticks with hearts and moons (unless they're on your list), or an African fertility totem that doesn't go with your house. If I'm not coming to your wedding, I'll decide whether I'm going to send a gift and how much I'm going to spend. I'm pretty secure in my self and my choices, so I won't think you're shilling for gifts, or if I think that really was your purpose in sending me an invite, I'll choose my (non-)gift accordingly. So for heaven's sake, make it easy for me to find the registry. The prohibition on putting registry information in invitations is outdated, in my opinion. It shouldn't be front and center, and a blatant request for cash is still not in good taste, but help a girl out, won't you? The couple really shouldn't be tracking the gifts (except to send appropriate thank-yous), and probably are not spending the time judging you on what you spent, or whether you sent something at all, although they may be secretly making fun of you for those candlesticks if they weren't on their list.

2) Gifts at Weddings: Don't bring 'em, unless it's the envelope of cash and that's a cultural thing. I know it's a custom in some places, but don't make the couple's family have to scramble around looking for a minivan to take them back to someone's house and then pay a fortune in shipping to get it home. Just send it or drop it by later. It's not that hard and people who are having weddings are usually pretty busy on the day.

3) Kids at Weddings: (it's now the next night, and the baby is bathed again and sleeping). Here goes. If they're not on the invite, they stay home. (That goes for any guest under or over the age of 12) If you can't bear to leave them behind, politely decline the invitation. I read somewhere that "There's an automatic etiquette exemption for breastfeeding mothers and babies". 'Because you can't just say 'just pump' and the baby needs to eat every x number of hours' Umm, no. Some people won't mind. Some people view the wedding as a kid-friendly exercise and are really mellow. Others have a different idea in mind for their wedding. Why do you assume that whatever your situation is trumps the wedding couple's? If you have a really little one, either decide to leave him or her elsewhere, or say "I'm sorry, but I can't attend right now. It's just too hectic of a time". And it really can be done. I skipped my own grandmother's funeral because trying to get a three-week-old baby several states away during cold and flu season just didn't seem feasible or wise. If they're not on the invite, they stay home.

Okay, time to wrap this up before the boy wakes up again.